There was a period of time when reading one’s junk email was randomly entertaining. Sure, there were the people who just wanted to sell dubious substances with exaggerated claims of medical impact, or fiscal schemes designed to make something out of nothing with few details other than parting with all your money is sure to make some more.

But now and again there was a gem. As I go through all my old posts from previous sites and consider which should live again and which should be forgotten (most) I came across one where I commented on a particular piece of email that seemed wildly out of place.

If you are a time traveler or alien disguised as human, I need your help!

My entire life and health have been altered and messed with. I have suffered tremendously and am now dying! The type of time travel which I think is most suited to my situation is having my consciousness transferred to my younger self using either the carbon copy replica method, or brain snapshot device. Please explain your method and how safe it is. I am in great danger and need this immediately.If you are in possession of the said technology please send a (SEPARATE) email to me at: @aol.com

That’s all I saved of it, but apparently several versions went around. Enough that an article was written about it and the writer tracked down the sender and his family, discovering it was a kid with some challenges with reality.

“It almost feels worthless now because the people who are monitoring my every move always seem to win. But it’s the only form of communication I have right now,” Todino said.

His father, Robert Todino Sr., worries that malicious users have preyed on Robby’s “psychological problems” and bilked him out of money.

“What bothers me is that some people are trying to sell him equipment and take advantage of him,” said Todino Sr. “He’s invested a lot of money into it and has been hurt by it.”

But Robby insists that he is “perfectly mentally stable,” and that the time-travel technology he seeks is out there somewhere.

After doing a lot of reading and searching — because this was just perfect for a late-night, wind-down Internet dive, I came across this absolute jewel of a response.

It starts:

Well, here were are again. You have no idea who I am, don’t you?

Not only am I capable of helping you, but I’ve done so twice already.

After that, it just goes sideways in the best possible way.

Though, not as sideways as Google went during my searches (though, I can’t blame it.)